Same old arguments over and over again

Repetitive arguments with your spouse have deep roots in past history - usually for both of you.  The subjects you fight about and your feelings about them lead back into childhood experiences that were hurtful to you.  When something happens in the present that taps into those old memories, you react now as you reacted then, or as you wish you could have reacted then.  Either way, your behavior usually has more to do with your past than the present.  Instead of staying in such frustrating impasses with your partner, suggest that both of you look for the source of your behaviors and identify your previously unmet needs for love and nurturing.         
              

Tuesday

How the 'broken record' approach can help you stand firm on important issues

When you have an important message to deliver, and you don't want to be dissuaded, confused, or manipulated into changing your mind, adopt the broken record approach to taking a stand.  Simply make a clear, one sentence statement that expresses your position.  Then stick to that statement, no matter what others may say or how they may attempt to distract you or get you to back down.  Don't get emotional.  Just be firm, clear, and consistent about your bottom line.  You'll be amazed to discover how powerful the broken record approach can be in helping you stick to your guns through whatever obstacles or objections you encounter from others.

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How a new frame of mind can change your point of view

If you've ever reframed an old painting or print, you know how dramatic a difference a new frame and new matting can make.  In a similar way, you can make a dramatic difference in how you understand yourself, your spouse, and your marriage by reframing the ways you interpret your interactions with one another.  A loving interpretation puts an attractive, workable frame around your shared experiences, helping you see them in a positive, encouraging light.  A fearful, negative interpretation puts a dark frame around the same events and leaves you feeling discouraged and powerless.  Dark and fearful or loving and light, you're the one who chooses the frames you use to interpret your marital experiences.                   

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You know what you should do as a parent but have a lot of difficulty doing it

As a parent, you may know what you ought to do to be more loving and effective with your children yet still have difficulty doing the things you know are necessary.  Being a good parent takes more than just knowing the guidelines.  It also requires growing through the developmental ages and stages where you were wounded when you were small.  You can't effectively do what is necessary for your children until you heal your hurts and grow through your own emotional maturation process.  Parenting is a demanding path that only succeeds as you do the growing up that you need to do so you can be an adequate guide for your children.

Friday

Remember the next time you and your mate disagree

There's an old story about several blind men describing an elephant that each examined by touch.  One who explored the elephant's leg was convinced it was like the trunk of a very large tree.  Another who felt its ear declared it was like a large palm leaf.  The blind man who examined the elephant's tail reported that it felt like a rope, and the one who was sprayed by the elephant's trunk was sure he'd found a waterfall.  They disagreed vigorously about which of them was correct, not realizing each was right about the small part of the whole animal he explored.  Perhaps it may help to remember the elephant the next time you and your mate disagree.